My husband—a roving New Yorker, kind and tolerant of many—broke down on the seventh day of our family vacation.
“He won’t stop talking,” she said.
THE “she“ she’s my mother—a bubbly Midwesterner—who can hold court in a room of strangers with the dexterity of a small-town politician at a church picnic. Awkward silences don’t stand a chance — even in a crowded elevator.
But some people like silence. They thrive on it, said John Hackston, head of thought leadership at The Myers-Briggs Company.
This is one of several areas that can cause problems for travel companions on opposite ends of the introversion-extroversion spectrum, he said. Whether they’re spouses, best friends, or acquaintances, travelers who endure long periods of time together often struggle to find a middle ground.
More than a decade of introvert advocacy—starting with the publication of Susan Cain’s “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”—has helped many introverts publicly accept and defend what makes them tick .
But the same level of reflection hasn’t happened with extroverts, Hackston said.
“There’s been less emphasis on extroverts’ self-understanding,” Haxton said, because “Western society, in particular, tends to see extroversion as the right way to do things.”
As a result, many remain in the dark about how they can influence those around them.
Lost passwords
When it comes to vacations, personality-based problems can start at the planning stage, Hackston said.
Since extroverts tend to get energy from the outside world, many are drawn to certain types of vacations, such as cruises or trips with friends to an island with a strong nightlife, he said.
The problem, Hackston said, is that extroverts often assume that others think and feel the way they do. This can manifest itself in anything from too much small talk at breakfast to organizing too many plans—and too little downtime—into a vacation schedule.
“They may want to go ahead and party when others don’t,” she said, which in turn can lead introverts to feel like they have to join.
The result is a “dysfunction spiral,” he said.
Incorrect assumptions can also cause extroverts to miss social cues, such as hints dropped by a not-so-chatty colleague on the plane.
Conversely, extroverts are also known to misinterpret introverts’ slower response times as either a lack of interest in a conversation or an invitation to talk more.
“You talk to me introverted, you get that pause. They have to go in and think about what the answer is before it comes out again,” Hackston said. “Whereas extroverts tend to come right back.”
Failing to realize this, extroverts often keep talking, repeating their questions and speaking louder to advance the conversation, unaware that introverts never had a chance to respond, she said.
Cultural layers
Some cultures are considered more outgoing, which can further complicate interactions while traveling, Hackston said.
“In the United States, there’s a general assumption that if you talk to someone, they’ll talk back. This is not the case in all cultures. It doesn’t really happen in the UK… it’s even less so in cultures like, perhaps, Japan.’
Americans “tend to be relatively extroverted in their behavior – people from the UK a little less so,” said John Hackston, head of thinking at The Myers-Briggs Company.
Chris Ratcliff | Bloomberg | Getty Images
Although he cautioned against stereotyping, he noted that Southern Italians are seen as more extroverted, while Northern Europeans, especially some Scandinavian countries, are believed to be more introverted.
Travelers may find it difficult to differentiate personality traits among foreigners, but “Finns would recognize Finnish extroverts,” he said, even if “to you, they all look like introverts.”
Developing self-awareness
Hackston recommends travelers and their families take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment to better understand each other.
“It opens people’s eyes to the fact that — this is always a really stupid thing to say, but it’s true — people are different and they come from a different place,” he said.
Just because you’re good friends doesn’t mean you’ll be good travelers.
Emma Morrell
travel blogger
“It’s that recognition that if your spouse, or your partner, or your family members want to do things differently than you do, they’re not doing it to annoy you,” she said. “They do it because that’s honestly where they come from.”
The Myers-Brigg Type Indicator also examines other aspects of people’s personalities. For example, the “judging” and “perceiving” framework assesses how organized people prefer to be, Hackston said.
A “judging” extrovert will prefer a day full of organized plans, while a “perceptive” extrovert will want a day full of action that happens spontaneously — a difference that can lead to big arguments on vacation, he said.
“So it’s not just extroverts compared to introverts. Sometimes they are extroverts together,” she said.
Travelers like them could learn to structure their future trips with set plans characterized by gaps in free time.
“It starts with realizing who you are, realizing who they are, and finding a way you can work together,” he said.
Family travel blogger Emma Morrell said she has been able to avoid many of the personality pitfalls that spoil other people’s trips by being careful who she travels with.
“You have to know yourself and the people you’re traveling with,” he said.
“I have some very good friends that I love very much, but we would never leave with them,” she said. “Just because you’re good friends doesn’t mean you’ll be good travelers.”