As a child, Rebecca Illing spent her holidays with her parents and brother, Alex, at Paço da Glória, a Gothic mansion-turned-guesthouse in Portugal’s lush Minho region. A 40-minute drive north of Porto, then the family’s hometown, the property is surrounded by dense cork oak forest, and Illing loved getting lost in its grounds and exploring its winding pathways. Parts of the house date back to the 14th century and it was developed randomly from there: In 1700 an imposing dark gray stone facade was added and finished with medieval-style merlons. later, the English peer Lord Peter Pitt Millward redesigned the house in the style of a baroque palace. In the 1970s, it became a guesthouse run by another Brit, Colin Clarke, director and author of the 2020 memoir My Week with Marilyn.
For the past 21 years, the 10-acre estate — with its lush lawn and large granite pool — has been in the Illing family. (Her mother, who met Illing’s father in Porto, had always dreamed of buying the place.) And as of 2022, after renovations to the nine rooms and the installation of a yoga deck and indoor pool, the property will be solely managed by Illing. itself as a hostel of a different kind: one namely, to use her phrase, “literate grief.”
Illing, who lives most of the year in London with her husband, multidisciplinary English artist and musician Richie Culver, 45, and their three children, is an end-of-life doula, trained to help with the process of death and to offer bereavement support and guidance to the family. With Paço da Glória, she wants to showcase her skills helping larger groups by hosting dinners, talks and, later this year, a bereavement retreat for young families, called Camp Alex, after her brother, who died suddenly in 2020. grief is lonely and it made me think about using this space to connect people,” she says. “I am not a hotelier. I want people to come and learn how to have these conversations, how to talk to their children about death and how to wonder about the mystery of life.”
To that end, Illing recently hosted a nostalgia-themed dinner at the property for about 10 friends from London and Porto. Her co-host was her lifelong friend Lucy Varada, 37, a Berlin-based baker and chef. “We’ve known each other almost since birth, so every conversation has a touch of nostalgia – our favorite childhood foods, friends, memories of my mother and brother, heartbreaks and celebrations,” says Illing. The weather was suitably atmospheric: Drinks started on the main lawn under gray clouds, then moved inside when the rain started to fall. The dinner table in the cavernous hall of the house was set for the meal, and once everyone had found their seats, the group talked long into the night under the vaulted wooden ceiling. After dessert, they just had to go downstairs and across the yard to find their beds.
Attendees: Illing, 37, invited childhood friends, including Francisca Campos, 33, who helps run the estate, and Zoe Graham, 39, co-CEO of her family’s Portuguese winery, Churchill’s. Other locals included Lisbon-based art director Marcelo Alcaide, 35, and Caminha-based artist Nettie Burnett, 75, who created the wave-shaped sculpture woven from willow canes in the property’s garden as a memorial to his brother Illing, a keen surfer. . The London-based body included Brazilian artist Antonio Tarsis, 28, and his gallerist Vanessa Carlos, 40. artist and curator Bianca Chu, 35; and Elizabeth Sorensen, 42, co-founder of mental health practice Portobello Behavioral Health.
The table: The off-white linen tablecloth, napkins and terracotta-colored glasses are from Porto home goods store Tuwaterra, run by Illing’s friend Joana Warren Verandah Gagaen. To illuminate the great hall, more than 100 candles were placed around the room in glass or silver candelabras and candlesticks, either family heirlooms or pieces left by previous tenants. (Each time the house changes hands, it is sold with all its contents.)
The food: Varanda described the dinner format as a “high picnic”: a spread, served on platters in the center of the table, from which everyone could help themselves. “Sharing adds a social aspect,” he says. “Even if you’re shy, if you have to ask someone to pass a plate or share the same loaf of bread, it bonds you in a way.” First came a range of vegetable-based dishes, many of them made with produce from the property’s garden, such as fresh local goat’s cheese and beetroot. sauteed grelos (a local bitter green); brown-butter braised leeks and oranges. and charred black lime cabbage in butter tomato sauce, served with braided loaves and focaccia pieces. The main course was a light, tender gnocchi with salmoriglio (a mixture of herbs, lemon and olive oil). Dessert was a rich chocolate mousse with candied grapefruit, served alongside a silky fig leaf. “My mother’s favorite fruit was figs,” says Illing.
Soft drinks: Graham provided a range of Churchill’s Douro Valley wines, including, for the aperitif, a white port, honey and golden from the skin fermentation process.
Music: When the Wi-Fi worked in the hall, a portable speaker was installed in the large adjoining bathroom. Alcaide, the artistic director, had put together a playlist that included tracks from “Aquaphoria,” an album of atmospheric mixes by musician Kelela and her partner DJ Asmara, and the echoes in the tiled room matched the rudimentary vocals. of the disc. .
The conversation: Visitors were asked to bring a small object related to a personal memory to serve as a discussion starter. Burnett chose a wax notebook in which she records her family’s birth and death dates using coded markings that look like holes burned with a magnifying glass. Graham presented a camellia from her childhood home in Porto’s Caminhos do Romântico neighborhood, and many guests remembered the parties she once threw there. Illing had chosen a small shell filled with sand that her brother had collected from the beach next to his house. As expected, the conversation was left at a loss, but it was moving rather than heavy. “I find my work very empowering and I think that’s the interesting, unexpected element,” says Illing.
Two fun tips: Illing recommends suggesting a topic, as she did, and asking everyone to bring something related to break the ice. “I like to encourage guests to ask direct questions and share and be vulnerable,” she says, adding, “Also, candles — lots and lots of candles.”
